yep. I've gone and done it now. I feel like my brain should be more muddled than it is.. but in all honesty, it felt right. No matter how "wrong" it was... God i just miss him so much.. It was so familiar and non foreign.. i could be ALLISON. and not somebody i think he'll like. I was able to be myself. He makes me laugh like nobody's business, and keeps a smile on my face.. he's no toy soldier. "I guess I feel in love with a toy soldier." No more. Goddamn, i miss having someone who would drop everything to do the little things for me.. like buy me doritos for crying out loud..I miss being so important that somebody was able to make time for me no problem. I miss the non-intensity of a relationship where i'm crazy insanely happy ALL the time. "When the exception becomes the constant, is that when love fades?" All me and ben do is fight. All me and ryan do is have fun... it's such a contradicting web of intricate insanity it makes me wonder if i HAVE lost my sanity..they're complete opposites yet scarily alike. It both weirds me out and intrigues me at the same time. to have two individuals that are so different and such polar opposites find themselves interested in the same individual just strikes me as odd. I need coffee. Doritos aren't cutting the cake today. I need a mocha in order to finish my thinking. To be continued.
"Like a moth i'm drawn into your flame..You look in my eyes. I'm stripped of my pride. And my soul surrenders, and you bring my heart to its knees.And it's killin me when your away. I wanna leave an I wanna stay.I'm so confused, so hard to choose between the pleasure and the pain.And i know it's wrong and i know it's right. Even if i tried to win the fight, my heart would overrule my mind, and i'm not strong enough to stay away."
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