School means absolutely nothing to me.. i cannot stay awake when i'm there and i cant for the life of me take it seriously. I'm still debating about how i'm going to go about this KC thing... Do i enroll into Capri for a semester? Just for the experience? or do I continue to work full time? I suppose i could find out in May when i go down there... I am so excited to do this... Excited and nervous. A whole LOT of nervous. My mind is jumping around today.. I'm in such a strange state of mind right now... I wish i could explain it. I still find it shocking how Ben reacted when I told him that i was moving... At first i knew the thoughts of long distance or simply ending our relationship breifly crossed his mind, then he attempted to voice these concerns he had, and once he finally grew silent again, he simply said, "Give me six months. Six months to prepare."
Goodness, so much to talk about tonight... So much intensity has been going on... I almost lost my mind on Monday I think it was.. Rachel Drew is becoming the bane of my existence. She seems to think that she can manipulate him. I think not. But i was so shaken up when he told me... I think i vaguely remember him telling me about the first one already... but the second one.. did NOT know about that one.. or that when him and Sarah were together he would drive to see Rachel because of these stupid 'nightmares', and sarah not only knew about these late nights but was ok with it. As I told Jes, im NOT sarah, and i will NOT tollerate that. No way in hell. She threw away a lot of chances in 7 years, and thats her own problem. Do not involve yourself in my relationships, unless you want to have a REAL nightmare. But anyways, back to what the HELL was going on in my mind when he "re-"informed me.. A lot of hate... a lack of sympathy, and a whole lot of jealousy. Yep, I was intimidated that she had that kind of manipulative hold on him, and knew exactly how to push his buttons... how to get in his head... he's usually so good at detecting bull shit like that so i guess that's what upsets me.. he can't see what is plain as day to anyone who knows anything.
But i think imma sneak a nap in quick before going over to benjamin's casa :)
"This house is filled with rocks. We regret to inform you there's no love here for you. You make a horrible point, your eyes looking lost. So leave. Just leave through the cutting board cutting board cutting room floor. You've got this crazy notion, let;s rip this out by the seems. With every word you try to say you dig yourself a hole you can;t escape. I was a little bit more than what you came here for."
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