Like broken mirrors. Ten million shards of glass and tears.

I keep thinking about moving to Nebraska...nonstop. I can't help it. I'm anxious to escape... to get away. I don't want anything to do with a lot of the people here. Especially Ben..

Oooh yes. Ben ben ben.. That fucking guy refuses to leave my mind. As much as I'd LOVE to blast him out, he's still there. But then again, so were others. Time heals everything.. But I've never been good with waiting. I know i've got a good thing, and I'm not about to mess it up [again]. It's usually not even good things I am thinking when I think of him. Usually I'm comparing how awful he was and how much better off I am now.. comparing.. which i know Ryan hates, but I can't help it... it's so incredibly and shockingly different it's crazy. It's absolutely relieving to be honest. I don't have to wait eight hours for a respond to a text, I don't have to worry about him getting pissed off about stupid shit that doesn't matter. The relief is so overwhelming I could almost cry.

A part of me is always going to want to scream at him, I think. Scream at him for all the things that he's done to me. All the things he's made me feel. All the hate I've had pulsing through my heart. Scream in his face. And to see him crumble. To see him feel a fraction of what he's done to me. Feel the sick satisfaction of knowing he finally knows. But it's okay, I'll suffice with knowing that my life is happier than his will ever be again. He ruined the singlemost best thing that ever happened to him. And now he can suffer for the rest of his life for it, while i continue on with mine, and continue to be happy without him. I hate him.

"Block the entrances, close the doors. Seal the exits, because this is war.All gave some, some gave all. But for what I want to know. Carry on, don't mind me. All I gave was everything. And yet you ask me for more. Fought your fight, bought your life, and in return; I lost my life. What purpose does this serve? ...You have it backwards. It is better to Live on your Feet than to Die on your Knees. Don't carry on, just walk away."